Everybody's birthday got people to help them celebrate... I don't even have one.

Sigh pathetic. I sense death is nearing me.

Hi, thank you for reading my blog, this is Number 1 Failure in Friendship.

Lunched with my sister today at JP Mac, then went home and went to Stadium and ran about 2km with her, healthy lifestyle indeed. She need to improve her health and stamina more. Thanks for the accompany today though.

So you poked me back, and i poked you back, will you poke me back again? I initiated and talked to you already, you'd reply, i'm glad, but you never reply after that. Maybe you don't know how to reply, or you don't want to talk to me. Have i done anything wrong afterall? What's wrong..? :(

I never have friends who can help me to solve my friendship problem, never at all ever since Sec 2. I realize whenever i tell their friends about someone ignoring me and hoping they could help, in the end, they failed and worse, they ignored me and pretended nothing happened. I guess that's the reason why i never ask them to help me ask about you, i could only wait till you willing to talk to me just like the past.

Have i changed a lot? Yes i do, ever since you changed too. I really hope we can be good friends again like the past, please. -Beg- I don't want to feel as if i'm really a Number 1 failure in friendship anymore... Not on you though, please?

Do you know how jealous i was when others like my brother's pic that i posted on facebook and not my pic? Do anyone even know i was jealous that he have a bday cake and had celebration from his friends and i don't? I'm always alone, nobody will help me celebrate and parents wont buy me a cake too. I cried one week ago over this.. Failure in everything, failure in friendship, failure in all.

I wanted to keep everybody as my friends, even those who left me, but i failed.. They don't care about how i feel too. They only care about themselves..

Why do i even exist? I can't wait to die. Anyone can kill me? I won't say its you who kill me.

I keep thinking of your promise to me, never becoming the 2 persons you said. Why changed so much.. Sigh. How are we going to eat in cafeteria together anymore? Did you cry and search for Koala too? It's been about a week we never talk already. Did you? Sigh. All these keep flooding my mind.

Someone told me you like someone already, wish you all the best with that person.

It's the 6th month knowing some of these young fellas from 2D'2012. Wish them good academic results.

I'm left forgotten by everyone, as well as others in somedays, even the best are gone, stupid William.

Lost with no direction_1

I've been feeling very useless these days. You see me crazy or the way i talk is happy, but inner, i'm not at all. I kept questioning myself what i've done wrong to ended up like this. I really thought this holiday will be great, but... Sigh, i really lost, i swear.

Every food, every motion, everything reminded me of our memories and you. I just wanted to be a good friend for you and cared so much about you, so much so that i guess, i did wrong somehow, in some ways.. i hope we can be friends again. Please? -beg-

Tomorrow is my 6th month knowing 1D'2011 and 2D'2012 some of them. Guess they regretted knowing me right? But have they ever wonder why? Never mind. I love everyone of them as a student or junior-senior relationships. No matter how much bad impression they had on me, after all, i'm not related to them other than maybe junior-senior like this. Hmm...

I don't dare eating supper anymore, appetite decrease, all because of my emotion and memories. Can you still treat Koala as friend? Trust me again? -Beg- Sigh. Such a good friend that i don't wanna lose and let go.

Feel so useless, weak in everything, blamed by everyone, even in public. Alone...with nobody liking me, be it friends, strangers, or any.. Hate myself. How i wish i have your support, Mouse..

Hey.

Well, we've not chatted for like, 3 days plus already? I hope you are doing good in life. It's okay if you left me alone, i won't blame you at all, you're still young bah.

Now that you're gone, i really have nobody to text with, etc. I told you before that you were the only last person i'm left with to text, but well, i don't really check my phone anymore, cause i don't receive any text from anyone sometimes...

Went to temple today, clear all my 'sins' i guess. I did many wrong stuff and caused myself to be like this. My karma i guess.. It's holidays and i thought i can be really happy, but guess the happiness was ruined somehow... it's fine, karma.. karma..

Ran 2.4km today too, wanted to run a few rounds only but well... i just wanna push myself. I wanna be cheerful, but... how? Really feel very pain, we were still friends back in 1 month ago :(

i'm still waiting for you, my dear friend. I've dreamt of you for the past 4 days you know? 4 days in a straight row, you appeared in my dream. Sigh, no point telling you also, you won't even read or come my blog anymore. :(

It's March now. What happened was February, are we still friends?

Went to school today, totally no motivation to help out anymore. I thought going back can see you and the rest happily, but because of that, i don't dare to find you guys at all. Cuz when i see you, i'll think i'm not good and there's awkward moment for sure. How are we going to eat in cafeteria together when everything have changed?

Saw her smile today, i'm glad even when many things happened. She was my best friend, and no matter how bad it is, you would always wanted this best friend of yours to be happy, i hope she was and is still happy. I'm left with less than 12 more days in Westwood Sec. Time flies i guess.

Smile more, MOUSE :)

I'm gonna act as if i'm fine even when not, because nobody understands how it feels when the best one are gone. I've just lost my 4th best friend in my life. #Failure.

I'm sorry.

I'm not a good friend for you i guess.
I really have nobody to text with anymore, ever since you're gone.

I doubt you'll come back and be my friend anymore, but i'll wait.
No matter what, Koala is waiting for Mouse to come back and trust him again as friend.

I don't know what i did to make you lost your trust on me. Will you tell me?

Sigh, forever alone...

Are we still friends?

All i ever wanted was to see you being happy.
You frown, i frown. How am i going to be cheerful when you're sad?

Tell me, since when did i stop being cheerful to you when you were still with him?
I just want to see you smile, and smile to Koala, will you?

But, are we still friends?

You have only 1 more month to see Koala in wwss though. When are we eating together? Remember?
When are you going to sit at the canteen with koala and see him eat a lot a lot?

Please stay cheerful, Mouse. Koala is always here for Mouse.
I can't get used with you giving Koala cold shoulder. :(

This fiction song by Beast reminded me of you, mouse.

Whatever it is, i'm waiting for you to come back to be Koala's friend again.
Will we still be friends? Will Koala and Mouse become friends again?
Will you even read this post?

Koala miss the old Mouse, Koala wish Mouse can be his friend again.
He's waiting for Mouse.

I was never cheerful, bendan!

Ungrateful souls

I thought my holidays will be fun, it was great in the beginning, but everything changed after you gave me a cold shoulder. You know what? I read the post you posted on facebook. I wonder if you are referring it to me, but i'm sure you are. 'Just be a loner and stop pestering me.' What if you are referring to me?

I cared about you, hoping you to be able to move on, let's pretend the post was referring to me. Why, what have i done wrong? You told me to forgive your shit attitude the day before, and i said okay. The next day, you gave me a cold shoulder already. I'm fine with that, you ignored me, that's worst. Fine, ignore is ok, but why, why ignore me and not others? Why gave me cold replies while hyper to others? Favoritism? You're young, it's okay. I was just stupid and should have listen to my brother's advice to leave everyone of you guys. It's just me caring about you and the rest, but i didn't expect myself to be ended up like this.

I'm stupid, really hopeless. No, i'm useless. I always believe the wrong people and ended up sucking my own dick because i sucks. I never able to keep friends, never. In fact, what is 'friend' ? Tell me. I'm anti-social but i really tried my best to socialise. I'm tired of socialising when i talk and yet nobody give a fuck reply to me. No, they did not even fucking pay attention to what i'm saying. When i kept my mouth shut, they said i anti-social and never talk. Fuckers, i did, but you weren't paying your mother fuckin' attention.

I hate everybody, everybody forget about me, nobody remember what i did for them, nobody. Ungrateful mother fuckin' souls. I'd rather stay inside the jail and die than to see this fucking society. I sucks, i sucks, i sucks. I really look down of myself, nobody give a single fuck about me.

Why, why am i even exist? I cried every night because i'm such a loser. I'm a loner too. I have no friends. When i do, they dont bother about me as time flies. I'm dumb. I should just be a loner and die alone, and nobody will even remember what i did for them too.

Good bye.

I cried for you, you don't even know.

You reply others happily, and give me boring reply.

Worst, you don't even reply me when you reply others already.

Why, why me? Why am i always the unlucky ones?

Oh, i know, you look down on me, right? K.

I'm tired, seriously tired. I did nothing wrong but yet, you are ignoring me.

You know what? He left you, you deserve it though.

We haven't been talking for 2 days. I'm still waiting for you to reply me anyway. I really dislike people who ignores my text but dafuq, reply others instead? What have i done wrong? I really wanted to go to your class and say hi to everybody, but you know what? You ignored me and left me feeling damn awkward if i were to go to your class and visit.

So, 2 days already, you told me you'll cry and search for me if i'm gone one day. It's been 2 days, hello? Saw me in school? I really miss the old you, when you cared about me, even as a friend.

But i can't blame you, i've changed too. I broke the promise already, hate me or don't bother me if you want. I broke it to feel better in some ways, if you know what i meant. Cuz i really hate people who ignores me. Reply others in happy mood but to me, sad mood? Why, i didn't do anything wrong, damn.

Anyway, you've changed, just like XW and doctor pek right, left me forgotten. Guess you're no different from them when you've promised me before you wouldn't change.. I was wrong, trusted you so much so that now, i was being ignored by you. :(

How stupid am i? I'm just, fuck la, forever alone. Bye.
I don't trust anyone anymore, i trust the cigarette.